NBA 2K16 is Trash

To describe NBA 2K16 I’d say it’s like the hot ex-girlfriend who felt like she’d spent the last 5 years, raw dogging it with King Kong. And just in case y’all wanna call me out, I’m not slut shaming. 2K16 is a stud with erectile dysfunction. In essence, the girl is gorgeous, she has notoriety, her hair smells great, her voice sounds like she fell out of heaven, she has a jaw-dropping walk with a cute face but you’re ALWAYS a hotdog in her hallway.

And you’re positive… you’re packing a mean stick! Or …the man is ripped, has an eight pack, deep voice, good hair, puppy dog eyes, he’s funny, has a house, dresses well, big feet, clean teeth etc but his penis looks like it belongs to a toddler. He can’t even get it up when she’s smoking hot! The crazy part about this… when you speak of it, people say…. you’re hating! Basically, things are just not working. Are 2K Sports selling a broken game? Yes! They want us to get anxious and buy “Vanity Points.”

The computer is programmed to cheat you so basically, you hold the controller in your hands pressing buttons and hoping they work.”

I’m gonna go on the record and say every NBA2K game I’ve had the trouble of playing, turned out to be trash! If you’re a gamer and you wanted to flush $$$ down the toilet, get super stressed out and waste a bunch of precious hours, then, of course, NBA2K is the way to go! If you’re new to gaming and you’ve heard the LIES about how NBA2K16 has the latest AI or how the players are just like in real life… blah blah blah! Don’t even waste your time. The Spike Lee part is dope but the gameplay is GARBAGE!

You get to take a player from high school to pro but he starts at a 55% average. Your player moves like a retard, fumbles, can’t dunk, does not have a shot that makes him likable! Yet, he’s signing sneaker deals and getting endorsements in the story mode. Maybe, no one thought about this while the game was being created. The problem is, 2K Sports can’t fix what’s wrong so they distract you with music on a broken game.

Photo credit: www.gamecrate.com

NBA 2K16 has great graphics but you didn’t buy it just for the graphics. It has good music and features a Spike Lee Joint called “Livin’ Da Dream” …nice! Spike did his thing!!! But you’re trying to play basketball. 2K16 looks real, the crowd looks real, the commentary and stats are presented with much flare but what good is all that when all it shows you are some made up stats on how your team lost after teeth grinding game where none of your buttons worked?

No… your controller is not broken! You don’t get this problem with a Call Of Duty or Naughty Dog game. If you did, you’d say that game is wack! You’d ask for your money back. In 2K16 you miss easy jump shots, 3 pointers drain once in a rare moon, dunks are not based on how good you are with video games… no, no, no… it’s if the algorithms were programmed to reject your command and counteract with a flashy cutscene after an over the back layup on the other end.

If you’re new to gaming and you’ve heard the LIES about how NBA2K16 has the latest AI or how the players are just like in real life… blah blah blah!”

The buttons won’t work. Simple as that. The buttons do not work. Should I say it again? The motherfucking buttons do NOT work! When you press pass, the ball disappears from your player and goes to your opponent who then glides down the court and scores with a highlight. When you dribble the ball to do a crossover, guess what? Your player stumbles or fumbles the ball and it magnetically goes to the opponent again and you guessed it… he glides up the court and scores to a roaring crowd. You spend more time watching and waiting instead of actually playing. Everything is more beautiful when the computer is doing it.

Time outs take forever to kick in, a simple inbound pass takes more than two taps on the X button before it works and when you play tight defense, the game calls a foul and shots at the charity stripe. If it does not call a foul, your player becomes transparent and the opponent literally goes through your defender and you chase him fruitlessly down the court and he ends it with another crowd roaring dunk or layup. All of this is totally unacceptable to an experienced old school gamer who still remembers what it’s like to play a game that actually worked. Yes, the graphics were horrible …but we were confident that the buttons work.

Photo credit: www.2k.com

In NBA 2K, your opponent and the ball can pass through you whenever they want to get past. The ball goes wherever the computer tells it to go and not where you sent it. Most of your best shots will rim right out of the basket. The computer is programmed to cheat you so basically, you hold the controller in your hands pressing buttons and hoping they work. To fix those deliberate glitches and anti-you algorithms, you have to go online, use your credit card and buy “Vanity Points” which then unlocks certain abilities. Even with that, the game still sucks.

He can’t even get it up when she’s smoking hot! The crazy part about this… when you speak of it, people say….

You spend your entire year fighting with your controller, yelling at your TV or even rebooting your system mid-game, knowing fully well that the game is either broken or intentionally programmed to malfunction. And then, by the summer, if you’ve wasted enough time and money developing your abilities to a semi-decent status…guess what?

A new version of the same game with the same old algorithms and a new celebrity feature comes out with much hype and starts the cycle all over again. The only way to enjoy NBA 2K16 is to play multi-player with friends, play it at a party where everyone is too preoccupied to care or ignore the glitches, suck up the disappointments and trade controller with your buddies pretending they can’t play better than you. *

If you disagree…sound off in the comments below. I’d like to hear your point of view.

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